cheese it, the cops!

turned out to be sacha baron cohen after all. this time i think the reality film-making has gone too far.

the obvious explanation

8:15 bolo on a dark-skinned individual in a black hoodie. if anyone sees anything like that, shoot to kill. dude. it's trayvon martin. while you're at it, intern all white male loners.

7:25 sources tell me that the winklevoss twins are under suspicion. those fuckers hate america.

6:12 or wait. of course. it's a coup by ben bernanke.

6:00 PM obviously, the obama administration staged the explosions in boston so they could declare martial law and fully implement nationalized healthcare. no doubt they justify this to themselves with the fact that they'll be able to offer treatment to the victims of their own dastardly crimes!!

be sure to listen for anagrams and codes in the president's statement.

 

new york state of mind

msnbc reporter at the empire state building: 'you know, there's a big police presence at all these tourist centers: the empire state building, grand central, the statue of liberty. and that's how police were able to apprehend oops i mean kill the suspect.' it's also why there was a chaotic exchange of gunfire on a crowded street, in which perhaps everyone who got shot except the initial victim (11ish people) was shot by police.