rage of the professoriate

this rather obscurely written story  from the lagrande, oregon, observer,  about bodies in a crawl-space at inlow hall, eastern oregon u,  points to a long-term demographic trend. as someone who has worked in many academic buildings, i am aware that most have a few stray alumni tucked away here and there. picture yourself wading through, say, ninety papers at ten pages each. only 6 are grammatical and of those only 2 make sense. as you claw your way ever-deeper, you become more and more homicidal. and yet, you recall aristotle's dictum that virtue is moderation. thus you content yourself with executing just a few of your students. this is good, too, because if you killed them all you'd put your own paycheck in jeopardy, and because if you killed more than a few, someone might eventually notice. then you start randomly stashing corpses in utility rooms, under floorboards etc. your problem is that all these spots are already stuffed with the rotting carcasses of young people who have likewise been awarded with peremptory graduation. that's why these corpses must be removed from inlow hall as soon as possible: to make way for the up-and-coming generation.