i want to thank my lawyers . they are the only people who really, deeply care about me. but most of all, i want to thank my grandmother, who whipped my white ass every day. when i was really bad she used to manacle me to the wall in the basement and leave me for days. once when i didn't say "please" she poured gasoline on me and set me on fire. she would light me up and then talk to me about why she was lighting me up, though it was hard to hear her over the roar of the flames. she shoulda gotten an oscar for the way she lit me on fire.