400,000 names are on the fbi's terrorism watch list. i like this a lot. it shows a nice heart of paranoid totalitarianism: a half-cracked stalin freakiness. it is entirely incompatible with the notion that we live in a free society or a democracy. on the other hand, it is completely unmanageable, utterly useless. what can the fbi do in a population that is just crawling with terrorists, where everyone is a suicide bomber, although no suicide bombings have actually taken place?

they add...1,600 people a day, based, you know, on anonymous denunciations. i insist that we think about what this says about the american stasi, and the american people. but i really also insist that we giggle about it: really, the fbi is a gang of evil fuckheads, and an insurgency is obviously more than warranted. but the evil fuckheadedness is mitigated profoundly by the intense stupidity and slapstick comedy.

so i'm assuming i'm already on the list, but if not i hope this entry gets me an audition.