today in america, we face a new war. a war not against cancer, drugs, poverty, climate change, or the oil assaulting our senses, not even against harry reid (though what the heck) but against 'war' itself: the word, the metaphor. we must engage in a bold national mobilization to find another image or parallel. with god on our side - though He has been messing with us continually - we must march forward to a future metaphor bright with promise. now some might say "the american people and our politicians are too dense to develop more than one metaphor per century." of course that's true, but it represents the kind of negative thinking that turns you into somalia. americans, though we are dolts, have always dreamed big, have overcome every challenge (well, some, anyway). there is nothing we can't do if we just keep telling ourselves how great we are, even though we actually aren't. maybe the gulf spill is a circus, a supernova. maybe it's blossoming like an evil tree, waking us up like an evil clock radio. it's like a microsoft operating system, like transformers 2, like a bad toupee, like a three-hour concert from james taylor and carol king (ok ok that's kind of hyperbolic). it's like a hairy poop or an emetic. it's like al and tipper's marriage, like a bad smoothie or starbucks instant coffee. just as long as it's not an assault.