i love our political culture.

On Tuesday, Senator Charles Schumer convened a media conference call of Democratic senators, in order to talk about the budget negotiations. Moments before the call was to start, Schumer briefed the other senators on the talking points they should be using. But the phone line for the call was already open and reporters heard Schumer's instructions, word for word: "I always use the word extreme,” Schumer said, describing Republican House Speaker John Boehner. “That is what the caucus instructed me to use this week.” Once the call began in earnest, Schumer's colleagues did exactly as instructed, repeatedly referring to Boehner and his allies as "extreme" or "extremist."

i picture myself as an american politician. other people write the words that come out of my mouth. and the words that come out of my mouth are incredibly primitive and excruciatingly repetitive; not only is someone else's voice is coming out of my mouth, but it is employed to express complete contempt for anyone unfortunate or irrational enough to be listening: a constant assertion that the audience has the sophistication and knowledge of a group of pre-schoolers. and the words coming out of my mouth are written through focus-grouping: they are the collective autonomic responses of a bunch of randomly selected quasi-people. if that was how i came to my opinions and their formulation, i'd hang myself, then shoot myself, then slit my wrists, then take a massive overdose of ambien, then tie cinder-blocks to my feet and jump off a bridge. actually dying would be the only possible evidence that i was ever alive as a particular human being, so i'd want to die as often and in as many ways as possible.