marriage equality

surely the next logical step is to ban heterosexual marriage. anyone who's actually been stuck in a house with a person whose gender is apparently different from one's own will agree, of course. now, you may argue that god, while opposing gay marriage, positively requires straight marriage. but son, we are free, proud americans, not god's little goddamn slaves. god gave us free will in order to make it possible for us to sabotage his wacky totalitarian schemes. for though god has always been confident in his sheer power, he - like the rest of us - has had severe misgivings about his own benevolence. thus the great bellow of the god of monotheisms: "oh fuck, what did i just do?"