die, you little finnish bitch!

i think it's finally time to give up on the notion that our american children will ever test as well as children from finland or china, which of course is the only possible goal or purpose of childhood. childhood, as we know, is one of the most important arenas of international conflict, and we're just losing. for years, i've been beating my children if they don't test as well as little chu chow; i like to think of myself as a jackal father. i know my kids will only really be happy if they are out-competing singapore. but now my arms are tired. so i say we arm our kindergartners with automatic weapons and drop them in kill-bin-laden-type squads on alien schools. our children can't outthink anyone, possibly because they come from a culture with only the most rudimentary conception of education. but even our children are little americans, and americans can outshoot anyone.