as i tour this greatesque land on crispforce one, many hyper-intelligent and attractive voters such as yourself ask me, "senator sartwell, who is the real progressive in this race?" to which i respond 'fuck you, you fucking fuck.' but, at any rate, when i am elected, we will arrest time on the day of my inauguration. it's amazing what a pres can do by executive order, and americans are sick of aging. i think it would more than enough to pause our eternal spiral into stupidity, pain, and disaster. we'll be rounding up anyone who has 'an inspiring vision of the future' as dangerously psychotic.
the malleability of time is well known: you can change its rate of flow and direction just by giving an inspiring speech, or passing a new welfare program. should we skip more quickly into the future, or tie a bow of temporality itself and find ourselves back in 1953? those are the literally insane stakes in this election. stop it, i say.
