cheese it, the cops!

crime wave, contd.

the fearsome crime wave continues here in new freedom, pa. theresa and rickard koller were arrested for trying to bust their own golden lab out the animal shelter.

thank you for your cervix

am i the only one getting tired of 'thank you for your service'? the left people and politicians on tv are even more elaborate in the ceremonial bow than the right. now they're not only thanking commander thad allen or whomever it may be, but also casey anthony jurors.

keep on rockin me, baby

few human beings have ever outrocked the barefoot bandit.

if i was interested in starting a...resistance movement, i would proceed by simulated terrorism. such a procedure is suggested by things like this, where i'm thinking the authorities evacuated a mall or at least closed in en masse to get a guy wandering around a mall with a rifle, when it was in fact a sap with an umbrella. i'm telling you our hyper-vigilant security condition allows anyone to shut down any facility, or indeed bring to gridlock any major metropolitan area, without actually doing anything that would directly harm anyone. (of course, harm would be done; and yet it would be the response and not the act that caused it.) a few random backpacks with goodwill books or gideon bibles could shut down any transit system. you could disrupt whole military installations or airports with the right umbrella or some empty boxes. not that i'm advocating this, mind you, at least not until i work up a coherent set of demands (perhaps i'd start with: keep chocolate milk in the schools). but hyper-vigilance makes you vulnerable to freakouts; it is in fact a form of unreasoning fear. in a way, you'd give a reductio ad absurdum of the idea that a whole society can be mobilized into a surveillance machine to prevent terrorism.

in local news: Man Hit in Head With Frying Pans

note the plural: she kept reloading.

ok she shot her teenage kids on the way home from soccer practice because they were 'mouthy.' in other news, amy chua is still on her book tour.

Assange's London attorney, Mark Stephens, told AOL News today that Swedish prosecutors told him that Assange is wanted not for allegations of rape, as previously reported, but for something called "sex by surprise," which he said involves a fine of 5,000 kronor or about $715.

"We don't even know what 'sex by surprise' even means, and they haven't told us," Stephens said.

sometimes you're running through the possible jokes and you realize that it's just not necessary. happy birthday, baby!

headline: Woman Says She Stabbed Husband Accidentally While Cutting Cheese

(stabbed him through the heart, actually.)

i notice that, more and more, women are getting into the bloodbath biz. well this is a blow for human equality, of course: a demonstration that we're all from the same solar system. however, there will be an important difference. when men kill everybody available, it's cause we're psychotic, testosterone-laden monsters: men are lower than beasts. however, when women kill everybody, it is because of low self-esteem, a serious condition as troubling as athlete's foot. however, unlike athletes' foot, it is incurable. i would anticipate an ever-escalating cycle of total, yet completely understandable, violence. rather than execute female murderers we ought to try makeovers. good luck!

i just want to say that that barefoot bandit dude is something else.

so like i say, the party-crash was funny and harmless, and i always admire a good con etc. but you know it is also very pathetic, and more and more pathetic as details of the salahis' lives emerge. they spent all their time and energy pretending to be rich and beautiful and important. they tried to get into any and every event that they thought lent them some kind of prestige, she pretended to be a former redskins cheerleader (?!), e.g.. the fakery was at times ingenious, but the motivation is disgusting: it doesn't matter what i am or what i do: what matters is that other people think i have cachet of some kind.

it's not only pathetic because they were constantly simulating a social prestige they didn't have: it's pathetic also when people do achieve it. really this is true of many people: all they really care about is that other people think they are...rich, famous, beautiful, important. there is never a moment when they confront themselves, or when they're alone in their head assessing their lives from ther own point of view. astonishingly, they have no point of view, no subjectivity that isn't an imagination of how theyappear to others. i think of, perhaps, bill clinton this way. but i have actually known a number of people along these lines. it's an invitation to evil, but it's also just really sad, pointless, stupid, futile, self-refuting: empty empty empty.

oh i don't know.  i'm a lot less worried about a professional athlete being assaulted by a tiny blond person than i would be about a tiny blond person being assaulted by a professional athlete, like i'm more worried about bigotry against black people than bigotry against white people. the kneejerk reaction is always: what if it were the other way round? well, if it were the other way round, it'd be different, because not all persons and situations are the same. you know bad things can happen in gender-inverted abuse: i knew a couple once where she hit him with a car and pinned his hand to a counter with a steak knife. but there are kind of overall actual differences between men and women, etc.

so this morning in the tacoma cop-killer case, police were reported to have surrounded a house, and to be trying to remove the suspect using "loudspeakers," "explosions," and "occasional gunshots." now he's on the loose? so what the hell were they blowing up and shooting at?

perhaps the most monstrous, or at least puzzling crime of all in the local wave, which always seems to start at wal-mart. sometimes you wonder just why we have so many bodily fluids, and what we might use them all for.

A Codorus Township woman threw a sweatshirt soaked with urine, saliva and mucous in a state trooper's face after he arrested her for retail theft Saturday, according to state police.

it might seem odd for a person of my politics etc, but i have no particular problem with executing the dc sniper.

if i were balloon boy's dad, i would be really pissed off that he fucked up my thing. families need to stick together, and children need to emulate and in turn pass on their parents' traditional american values: you know, that only notoriety matters, and the cash that follows. this time i'd really put that six-year-old bastard on a balloon and let him float away.

hard not to root for the pirates, when the victims are, like, saudi sheiks or multinational oil companies. always the hawking teds will point out that these guys ain't johnny depp. maybe they're not quite that cute, but they're surely no worse or less cool as human beings. i told jane (8) about the real pirates and she's all like "that's so awesome"!

ouch! chopping off your mom's head with a circular saw is wrong. but chopping off your own head with a circular saw is just...hard.

yeep! :

Mexican officials said they worked past midnight Thursday to count the seized bills, which were hidden inside locked metal shelves, suitcases and closets. It was five times the amount that was seized in all of 2006 by Mexican authorities in anti-narcotic and money-laundering operations.

To provide a sense of the scale of the money involved, Mexican media compared the amount seized to various items in the 2007 federal budget.

The $205.6 million was more than the funding allocated to pensions for the handicapped by Mexico's social security agency. It exceeded the amount of public funds provided to Mexico's political parties for campaign spending and also surpassed the budget of the Mexican Senate.

give it up for the spider girls: third story burglars in santiago who are also teenage girls. at seven and eight months pregnant, they were still ascending. women will be free after all.

another reason to support global warming.

rob me, baby

sweet.

difficult littering

i'm beginning to lose my handle on the very concept of littering itself. here a woman is cited for flinging leaves onto the parking lot at a wal-mart supercenter. i'm trying to figure out in what sense the acres of blacktop and the hideous structure itself with its signage etc is polluted in this scenario, rather than being pollution.

licensing violations against humanity

nytimes:

A noted conservationist was killed near Lake Naivasha, where the human population has soared and many fish without licenses.

it's hard to say what's worse, really: murder, or fishing without a license.

the case of frey

let me say a bit about the frey thing. perhaps i should preface this by saying that several people whose opinion i respect have been pushing me to read "a million little pieces" for years, though others have said they thought it sucked. and i haven't read beyond the first few pages. but i just knew that the defense, from oprah and from frey himself, was going to be framed in terms of "emotional truth":

And in his appearance on Larry King last night he said the disputed passages of A Million Little Pieces made up just five per cent of the book. "The essential truth of (my) drug and alcohol addiction is there," he said. "The emotional truth is there... I think you will find people who will dispute every memoir ever written."

this misapprehends, i believe, the nature of human emotions. emotional states are not comprehensible in isolation from the real-world situations in which they arise. there's a certain "psychological" picture which we might call "internalism" in which the emotional states of a person are internal to that person. then one might invent external world situations that would represent those states: it's as if i ran over a cop, or started a riot, because that's how i felt about authority or something when i was all fucked up all the time. but the emotional truth of a situation consists of the emotional states that actually did arise in that situation. furthermore, the "emotionally true" but factually crap approach also (obviously) falsifies the person who is suppsedly having these emotional states: the kind of person whose emotions are captured by the fantasy of running over a cop is a far far different person than a person who would run over a cop. i should get this out at much more length. but in brief, to falsify the circumstances is to falsify the person and to falsify the person is to falsify the emotion: maybe that's what you wished you were, or were scared to be etc. you cannot isolate emotional from factual truth.

rock on!

i'm not sure why everyone gets so uptight when a psychotic-looking dude enters the country carrying a bloody chainsaw . geez, there are many responsible chainsaw owners who use them only for perfectly legal chainsaw hunting, dashing through america's woodlands chainsawing squirrels.

hillary clinton  on her plan to censor video games:

Children are playing a game that encourages them to have sex with prostitutes and then murder them," she said in a statement on the issue. "This is a silent epidemic of media desensitisation that teaches kids it's OK to diss people because they are a woman, they're a different colour or they're from a different place."

now i don't think a teenager is going actually to be confused as between video game and reality. but senator clinton surely seems to be. thanks to hairy fish nuts .

gonna get me a crossbow ,  just in case tom delay won't let put my wife - the lovely yet talented marion winik - out of my, i mean her, misery.

With some homeowners worried about prosecution if they kill intruders, the crossbow is particularly popular because of its silence and the difficulty of tracing the firer from forensic evidence.

my creators column this week is an appreciation of tom delay.