cheese it, the cops!

neg and pos

sometimes things are just so depressing, like the re-rise of hillary. in my opinion, hillary clinton cannot beat donald trump, but then again, i keep thinking she's got to collapse any second. here it is perhaps my lack of empathy and understanding: i'm having trouble reconstructing the process of reasoning or emoting that would guide anyone to vote for her. the section of her nevada victory speech i liked the best was her passionate plea to end unlimited contributions, 'secret money' and so on in campaigns: it's like she's saying, just very directly right in your face: only deeper and deeper into the problem can fix it. it is truly like she's attacking or discrediting herself, pointedly: running against herself. or it is: 'i am what is wrong; if elected, my first priority will be destroying myself.' people applauded. wha?

but i started out to try to say something positive. here is a lovely headline:

‘A black president, yay!': 106-year-old finally meets the Obamas, dances like a schoolgirl

 

oops! back now. headline:

Flames level tiny house at former fun center

 

 

and it hopes the same for him

scrolling atop the guardian right now, from ap: george clooney hopes government shutdown ends soon.

i hope you'll be very happy together.

just an addition: neither left nor right are political positions; if they were, people would try to make them make sense or hang together or something. they're social affiliations. so here's my advice for you if you're on the right or the left: stop pretending to take positions or make assertions. it only makes you look ridiculous. smile at people who are wearing or driving the right brand, have to right haircut, live in the right region, went to the right school, and so on, and make obscene gestures otherwise. really that's all you're doing anyway.

headline:

Mexican Man Fakes Death To Avoid Gang Rape Charge Before Getting Elected As Mayor

 

killin em dronestyle

fbi chief says we'll get him. people like mike rogers and diane feinstein think we ought to be trying snowden - and, what the hell, greenwald - for treason, espionage, etc. they wanna strip him naked and torture him in a cell for awile, a la bradley manning. at any rate, i don't know why he went hong kong. but he seems to be alive and free so he's doing something right.

Semen has a direct effect on the female brain

(sorry for wrong link before. thanks ben. yeah i used to live under that bridge where the train derailed.)

London 2012: Inquiry after unofficial condoms found in Olympic village

Miami officer fatally shoots naked man who is allegedly chewing on another man’s face

(headlines)

rain of fire

New York Isn't Like Sodom and Gomorrah, Archbishop Says

really? not at all?

journalism's last moment

daily beast: exclusive! newt's ex-wife's lawyer on his narcissism. now i would say few of us would really be satisfied to be portrayed in the media by our ex-spouses. (mine - one of mine - just sold a book including an account of our break-up; i intend to ignore it unless pressed, then launch the nukes, or at least the blog posts.) but your ex-spouse's lawyer?  christ, tina, that's your idea of journalism?: a first-person account of somebody's marriage by a person who is actually being paid to eviscerate the person she's writing about? your ex-spouse might be bitter, might have what you take to be a distorted view of events, etc., but at least she's going to be more or less sincere. this is more like hiring lady gaga's producer to review her next album.

headlines

lady gaga spotted at lancaster giant

when comedy writers write reality

human life is redeemed by moments like this.

DENVER—A former Colorado lawman who was once named the nation's sheriff of the year was charged Friday with drug and prostitution offenses after authorities said he offered methamphetamine to a man in exchange for sex.

Patrick Sullivan Jr., 68, was being held on $500,000 bond in an isolation cell at a jail named in his honor in suburban Denver. Arapahoe County Sheriff Grayson Robinson said current or former law enforcement officials are usually kept from the general inmate population for their safety at the Patrick J. Sullivan Jr. Detention Facility.

Prosecutors charged Sullivan with felony distribution, possession of meth as well as a misdemeanor charge of soliciting prostitution. Authorities say he offered methamphetamine in exchange for sex from a male acquaintance in a sting set up by officers with a drug task force.

 

robots rain death on hipsters

the two top trending stories on washpost: a future for drones: automated killing and are hipster glasses over?

headline

Hard Times Causing Rifts Among Mariachi Bands

headline

Taliban denies texting Mullah Omar's death, blames hacking

goes to rehab.

headline

woman shoots at puppy, kills husband instead

(admittedly, the puppy was a pit bull named 'cocaine'.)

headline

romney's deal-closing skills appeal to jewish voters. also his gleeful gold-hoarding and penchant for usury. 

headline

super-pimp bids for office.

it's not only a political position; it's a crime

tibetan writer jailed for splittism

bombs, not food

three arrested, charged with illegally feeding the homeless

2?

chinese boy sells kidney for ipad

now that i'm trying to avoid the nytimes, i'm having some trouble finding reasonable sites. current headlines on slate:

What's the Deal with Moms Who Won't Wash Their Hair?

Trick-Shot Doc: You Won't' Believe what This Guy Can Do With a Tongue Depressor

Ode to a Composting Toilet

Prince William's College of Love: The Bizarre Sex Toy Collection at St. Andrews University, Where He and Kate Middleton Met

Are Those Texas Wildfires Really Setting Horses on Fire?

David Foster Wallace's Stunning Critique of Boredom

that sex toy thing is probably the most gratuitous headline ever written, like 'insane! the schizo dude located 23 miles south/southwest of kate middleton's dress designer.' who'd have thought that boredom required a critique? much less an interminable critique by our greatest postmodern intellect and transcendent genius novelist? i am literally stunned, so much so that i'm tempted to write a critique of stunnedness. if david foster wallace hadn't hanged himself, i'd hang him, if only to relieve the meta-tedium.

 

in local news: Man Hit in Head With Frying Pans

note the plural: she kept reloading.

sharks wary of drunk serbs

i'd say the anti-smoking police have ramped up the hysteria to maximum: Even One Cigarette Can Prove Lethal, U.S. Surgeon General Says. or even one moment anywhere near someone who's smoking: instant death. where the surgeon general can go after that is not clear, so i guess that's her last appearance on television; thank god we've heard the end of that. still you can't argue with Science. it's almost hard to imagine the litigation atmosphere this creates.

headline: Woman Says She Stabbed Husband Accidentally While Cutting Cheese

(stabbed him through the heart, actually.)

headline: The horrible truth starts to dawn on Europe's leaders

headlines:  5th Circuit Rules That High School Cheerleader Is Required To Cheer For Her Alleged Rapist

 

headline: Can Navy Afford Death Ray it Wants? 

can i afford the one i want?

headline: New Yorker accused of plan to attack U.S. troops. i knew it! you could tell they were moving in this direction from hendrick hertzberg's opinion pieces. curse you, david remnick, and all your kind and editorial staff. you start out with a kind of dull house prose style and middle-brow yet intellectually overblown investigations of this and that (malcolm gladwell, say) and this is where you end up. people keep telling you how smart and important you are, and you lose your sense of humor entirely (see "shouts and murmurs"), and with it your perspective and your connection to god and country. you start out absolutely dictating the pecking order of authors in literary fiction - every submission a kind of stalin show trial and each more like lorrie moore than the last - and pretty soon you're mad, mad with power and you're beheading america's heroes live on al qaeda's youtube page.